Perfection

Perfection

I'm here once again, I've been here before.
I promise to change, but always want more...
Fill up the void, then fill it again;
Stuff down the pain of which there's no end.
Throw it away ~emptiness, the key~
How to love myself when I hate what I see?
A new day arrives, won't do it again.
I've messed it all up before the day's end.
Look in the mirror, so much I desire!
The void opens wide, that quick burning fire.
Red clouds I see, red rivers beyond,
Such pain in my head! My pride is long gone.
Swallow the pain and wipe off the tears,
I've fought all this off for too many years.
This must stop now, it's already too far~
So weary inside from fighting this war.
When will I realize? When will I see?
Who I kill in this fight will only be me. 
Look in the mirror, *I love you *, I say,
*Tomorrow I promise to start a new day.....*

~kmh 2007

back then

How is it possible to see you so clearly..... you whom I have never met? You are in my dreams more often than not and I know all the lines of your face like the back of my hand. It's as if you've been sitting right next to me for ten years or more and yet you are nothing but a figment of my imagination (or so it would seem). How can it be that I know how you look when you are happy or angry or planning a surprise. I know the size and shape of your hands, the curve of your fingers and the smell of your skin. I can clearly see the exact color of your eyes in the sunlight and I know they would almost always have a smile in them when they looked at me. I know my head would reach exactly to your collar bone. But I don't know your name or who you are or where you come from. Did I see you once in passing and not realize that it was you? Why does it haunt me and why does it even matter? And what would happen......
~kmh 2008

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lover's don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.
~Rumi

Don't See Me...

You are the black hole that I tripped and fell into so long ago. I am lost inside your vast emptiness. There is no way out.
You are a carnivorous beast that feasts upon my flesh, devouring what is me piece by piece. What is left of me is shrinking as you grow fat.
You are a raging wildfire ignited by a carelessly thrown cigarette. You leave a trail of homeless souls, mass destruction and dry bones as you burn through this forest.
You are a tornado ripping through a small Kansas town. I am the sitting duck in my mobile home with no shelter and no hope of survival.
There is no safety net underneath you and when I fall I am sure to break.
I will stay on your rope simply because I promised Him I would stay not because I promised you. He will burn me, bend me and shape me until I become whatever thing He is making me to be.
Until then.... I will hurt...while you watch and don't see me.